im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
