Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
