I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
True strength comes from lack of pants
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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