Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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