Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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