Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
