That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
