Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize