My brain says no but my pants say off.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
