Dual....:-)
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize