i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
