Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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