i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
