saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
