If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
