im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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