so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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