Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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