the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
