i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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