I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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