I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
