drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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