just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
