My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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