Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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