I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
