bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
