well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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