she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're a waste of cheezeits
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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