God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
