He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
