If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
