Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
