he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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