you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
