Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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