if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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