White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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