Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
