His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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