Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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