I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
