Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Everclear isn't food dammit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
