there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
