The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
