What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
