I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize