I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
