She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
