did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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