He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
