If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The best revenge is premature balding
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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