he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
