worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
