Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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