Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
