i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
