so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
