bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
