OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
