my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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