dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
