She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
zippers are such a cool invention
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
