I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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