Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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