I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Porn is love you can see.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
