Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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