hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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