Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
