dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
