The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
