It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
